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”“What did he do to get you so upset?”Mom, in her matter-of-fact way, gave me the details. “We had a nice dinner, and then he asked if I wanted to go to his apartment, and of course, I agreed because I was hoping we would have sex. He was very nice at first and gave me a glass of wine and then took me to his bedroom, and we had intercourse. When I asked him when I could see him again, he laughed at me and said, ’Never. I want a woman willing to move her ass a little.’ He sounded quite annoyed with me when he told me to get dressed and go home. I don’t know what I did wrong. I had gotten undressed right away and lay on the bed. I spread my legs and let him touch me, kiss me, and put his penis in my vagina until he was satisfied. I let him do everything he wanted ... except when he tried to put his penis in my mouth.”I sat back and digested what my mom told me, and then it struck me. Mom did not have a clue when it came to sex. Thinking back, I only remember her ever having one other. My tears could not be stopped from rolling down my cheeks as the realization hit me once again that I am unwanted by the man I love. I know exactly what the dream means, for the message in it is abundantly clear. There can be no more. No more dreaming of the man I love. No more wanting him late at night, and needing his love to be thrust gently inside me. No more thinking of our bodies intertwined beneath the sheets of my bed. No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal?.
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